Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
