Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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