Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sext me about skeletons
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize