from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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