i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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