Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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