Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
