I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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