Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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