i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
