Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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