I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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