I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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