so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
accomplished twins. life is a go
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
