sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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