Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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