you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
