I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
