i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
