You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
