Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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