Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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