Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
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Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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