She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
