Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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