my vag is so smooth its legendary
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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