My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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