my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
