But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please don't give away my fajitas
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
