dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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