And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
