no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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