It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
