He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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