They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
