I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
