I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
