I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You are a genius and a whore.
He did a backflip because drugs
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize