I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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