You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
