I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
