Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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