I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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