I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
