My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
