i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
