well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
