Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think people are normalizing furries
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