SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
