That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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