my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
