____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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