I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
