Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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