We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
