Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
