Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
