I wish I could teleport
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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