We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
