Me too!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
