Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
