your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need moral support for this bender
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
